Life goes on

"Life goes on," my snotty cousin said while she sat at the foot of my bed. "You can't keep doing this. You need a job, and at this rate you are going to be fired." She was talking about the fact that I hadn't gone to work for a week and a half.

Angela sat on her high horse pretending she knew everything, pretending she knew what it was like to lose a lover, to lose a best friend, to lose a husband.

Her stupid blue eyes looked down at her nail beds, which I am sure she thought were due for a manicure. I can't begin to imagine what she thought of my house, especially since she lived in a penthouse suite and wore high end clothing that I lack the ability to pronounce. Her parents were loaded, and she never had to pay for a thing. Go figure.

"Ang, just go. I didn't ask for you to be here. Let me be. I am just tired. I'll go to work tomorrow. They understand," at least I hoped that they did.

With a harumph Angela got up and headed out the door, "We are all just worried about you. It's been two weeks. You really should be bouncing back by now."

I grabbed my husbands old pillow and hugged it close to my chest smelling the faint scent of his shampoo left over from all the late night showers we had taken together, but it was all over now. I would never get to shower and laugh with him again.

I closed my eyes and listened for the sound of my front door to close before I allowed myself to succumb to the tears that had been patiently waiting in the form of a lump in my throat.

I fell asleep, eventually, and dreamed of the night that Kyle, my husband had passed away.

"Babe, I have to go," Kyle said as he buttoned his blue uniform.

I gave him kisses on his neck and begged him not to go. "You can just call in sick. You haven't missed a day since you started five years ago, let somebody else cover for you and stay with your gorgeous wife."

I continued to kiss his neck, and moved up to his lips. Kyle sighed and pushed me away looking at me with his big, brown, amazing eyes. I swear I had never seen anything more magical. 

"My duty is to serve and protect. If I don't go, then I have failed this city. I have to go. I love you Kylie. Please, lock the door after I leave."

He meant the chain lock. He always locked the deadbolt and door lock before he would leave. My job was the chain. 

"You stay safe, please. I love you so much!" I said running to give him a hug before he attached his holster.

He hugged me back, and kissed the top of my head. In his arms, I knew I'd be safe.

"I love you too, Kylie," he kissed me full on the lips, and if I could have, I would have pulled him back to the bedroom.

He locked everything as per usual and I followed my ordered to lock the chain. I went to the bedroom and decided to flip through our wedding book. He was perfect in his suit. I had never seen a man more perfect than him. He had this straight blonde hair that grew up instead of out, and that alone made his brown eyes stand out even more. He was so tall that when he kissed me at our wedding he had wrapped his arms around me and picked me up so our lips could reach each other.

Some days,I wished he wasn't a police officer. Some days, I wish he had a safe office job. Some days, I wish we didn't live in Chicago.

I fell asleep on the couch with the photo album in my lap, when I heard that knock on the door. The knock that I wish I hadn't gone and investigated. That knock that would change my life forever.

Groggily, I went to the door to see who it was. Through the peephole, I saw Kyle's partner, Jake looking down the street.

I unchained and unlocked the door, and my heart began to race, "Where is he? Where is Kyle?" I frantically searched the streets for some sign that my husband was out there.

"Kylie, I am so sorry," Jake said hanging his head. "Kyle went to stop a drug deal from happening, and," he paused trying to finish the wretched sentence. "And he was shot and killed instantly."

I dropped to my knees and cried. I can't remember how long I cried, but Jake eventually picked me up and took me to the couch. He stayed and made tea, coffee and hot chocolate trying anything to help. All I could feel, though, was this giant hole in my chest.

I woke up gasping from the pain of the dream. I missed Kyle so much. I would give anything to have him back. Why did this have to happen to us? What had we done to deserve this?

I slowly threw my legs out from under the covers of what was now just my bed and went to feed Kyle's bulldog, Frank. After I poured the cup of food into his bowl he galloped over and devoured his meal in less than a minute. I patted his head and threw away all of the tissues I had used to soak up my tears.

In the trash bin, a small test stared up at me with a little pink plus sign. I had planned on telling Kyle the night he had passed away that we were finally expecting. After three years of trying, we were finally pregnant.

It was just me and baby now, and dammit I was scared.